Two Years Later

There are two evenings I will never forget in my life, the evening of November 26, 1998, when my father suddenly passed away from a heart attack and Sunday, December 5, 2021, at 8:15pm when my mom passed away from end stage dementia.

Losing both parents has been extremely difficult and heart breaking for me. I especially feel empty during the holiday season. Last year, I was depressed and reached out for counseling in order to navigate my grief journey.

I experienced brain fog, lack of interest to meet up with people or do things, did not care to eat and would binge watch Netflix until 4:00 a.m. frequently. Grocery shopping was torture for me. I did not enjoy going to Publix, our grocery store because the produce, seafood and bakery sections would remind me of my mom, and I would start crying. I would listen to Hindi songs or watch Bollywood movies and could not focus and then start crying again because my mom was a “Bollywood” fanatic. There would even be days where I would turn off my phone so I can just be in my world.

I gradually started to work out, but it was a challenge because during my caregiving journey I put on nearly 40 pounds. I would get short of breath just walking a few steps or my feet would start hurting after walking under half a mile. I kept telling myself I have no choice but have to focus on my health. My mom’s cognitive and mobility challenges are clearly etched in my mind, and I wanted to do the best to take care of myself.

I went through several months of grief counseling and it did help me tremendously. I learned to be kinder, gentler and patient with myself. I did not participate in my advocacy efforts or post on social media because I simply was not ready to share what I was going through. As they say, time will heal.

Two years later, I feel mentally stronger. I have gradually lost 25 pounds, and on a scheduled workout routine that is focused on my mental health and wellbeing. This year I traveled to Paris, Mumbai and Seattle thoroughly enjoying my unique experiences, and ready to continue to share my post caregiving journey experiences. This is important to me because it is a way to keep both my parents’ memories alive.