Is it really “Merry” Christmas?

Christmas day for me this year really was not “merry” at all. I started the morning feeling refreshed and slept so well. My mom also had a good night and did not wake up, so I was looking forward to settling her and then going for a bike ride or walking a few miles. She woke up happy and minutes later, I felt like I was dealing with a different person. She was being particular about some things and nearly lost her balance. I thought she still could be sleepy, but wanted to make sure she ate first before I put her back in bed.

As I placed her in the bed, she said, “she is not feeling well”, I kept asking her what are you experiencing, but she was vague and it was difficult for me to understand what she was experiencing. Then suddenly she indicated to me that she is having “chest pain”. My jaw dropped and I could feel my heart race a million miles a minute. I asked her if I should call 911, and she said “yes”. My friends were messaging me wishing me a “Merry Christmas”, and I responded back “prayers for mom, called 911”.

I was terrified as to what has happening and what was going to happen. The paramedics came within minutes with a crew of up to eight individuals. I explained to them that I am not sure what is happening because my mom has dementia, but the minute she indicated to me she is experiencing “chest pain” I called for help. They hooked her up to a cardiac machine to check the status of her heart. They told me they are unable to do bloodwork, but the machine will be a good indication of what is happening.

When my mom was asked if she is having chest pain, she calmly indicated “no, I am not, I never said that”. I stared her down with my eyes, but was trying to remain calm reminding myself she has dementia. Fortunately, the cardiac tests they ran came out normal and there was no indication something was going on. I told them if nothing is abnormal, I would rather keep her home, and at least I have a peace of mind as to her heart being normal.

With that excitement, I felt my heart race all day, and just did not want to do anything. I was thankful my mom stayed home, but I was very mad with the disease and the roller coaster ride it takes individuals through. I was down and turned off my phone for much of the day. I tried to take a nap, but could not. I finally turned on my phone, and one of my friends who is a caregiver to his mom reached out to me indicating he is having a frustrating moment with his mom. We spoke for a while encouraging one another. Truthfully speaking, after hanging up, I finally had a smile on my face because I was able to help someone and give advice what works for me with my mom.

This year was not a “Merry” Christmas for me, but I am so thankful my mom is here with me because I always treasure my time with her.